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The conversation

November 27th, 2010

She said, “There is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about”.

I immediately became uncomfortable and told her there was no need, what’s done is done.

“No”, she said.  “I need to say this”.

My head that was screaming, “NO NO NO NO” but the words that came out were, “OK”.

“Many years ago, I said something to you when I was very angry and I want to tell you that I’m sorry for that”.

I again said, “OK” wondering which time she meant.

She continued, “I said to you that I wished I’d had an abortion and I’m sorry for that.  People say things when they’re mad that they wouldn’t normally say.  Surely you can understand that now, knowing that teenagers can really push you to your limits”.

“Yes, I do understand” I replied.

I started thinking of ways that I could cheer her out of this situation.

To make it less difficult FOR HER.

I’ll never stop doing that, in my mind.  Trying to take care of her.

She needs me to do that, to help that little girl that lives deep down inside of her.

The one she’s pushed so far she can no longer even hear.  The one no one protected, the one that was abused severely and never healed.  That little girl that lives inside of her, the one that I know very well because I have one that lives inside of me too.

After it was over I started analyzing why it happened.  After all these years, why is she making amends?

It was a holiday, she’d had a few drinks, other family members put her up to it.  It wasn’t even a real apology, it was an excuse for WHY she did it.  Because I was a lousy daughter during my teenage years and it was a justified act in her mind.

None of that is important, the fact that she found the words to let me know that she was sorry for what she said was all that the little girl needed to hear.

The scar will always be there, but I’d forgiven her a long time ago.

All Art Requires Courage – ShutMyEyes

October 30th, 2010

ShutMyEyes, originally uploaded by i-am-aerie.

All Art Requires Courage – lovekills 002.

October 28th, 2010

lovekills 002., originally uploaded by jaytildeath.

All Art Requires Courage – Wawan

October 28th, 2010

Wawan, originally uploaded by Mr. S’s.

All Art Requires Courage – B&W Pills

October 26th, 2010

bw pills colour, originally uploaded by GADGET_GIRL84.

All Art Requires Courage – Rage

October 24th, 2010

, originally uploaded by michal beer.

All Art Requires Courage – Bed

October 22nd, 2010

, originally uploaded by olvrjms.