Never one to go with the crowd
I’m in one of those moods. The one in which I think it might be time to come off of my medication. I seem to be odd person out amongst my fellow writers on this blog and that’s ok. In fact, it could very well be a sign from the universe.
All of these awesome and beautiful writers here know that thinking about stopping medication is a huge deal. Not only to the individual, but also to those who love you the most. The very ones that have suffered the side effects of your mental illness.
Most times, I don’t know a good idea until I’ve put action into it. When something is done, I can refer back and exclaim, “gee, that was a good idea!” It is the walking through the good idea that seems to be the hard part. The whole day, hour, minute, second aspect of a good idea all the while you are breathing innnnnnnnn and outtttttttttt.
One big motive in wanting to escape the harsh reality of medication is how it is affecting my liver. I’ve just learned that these types of medicines do bad things to your liver. How could I not know this? Perhaps I just pushed it down.
Being that I am a recovering drug and alcohol addict, my liver needs to be ok. The other motives, not as important would be to lose weight and get my body back in fighting stealth mode. There are more reasons involved (lest I sound flippant about it because I’m not) that I don’t feel like writing about.
When I first got back on medication after a long hiatus, I put up a humongous fight. People around me were suggesting it for some time. I guess the last straw was the time I called the police on my husband because he was trying to make me stay where we were physically located and not let me drive away for some quiet time away from him. Our son was about 6 months old and we were in the process of moving from one place to another.
Something set me off and I began to rage. Then he insinuated that he didn’t think me driving off with our son in tow was a good idea, seeing as I was quite angry. So I put up that “I’ll be damned if someone is going to try and boss me around” fit.
At the time, we were not legally married so I explained that I had full rights and he had none (which was a big reason WHY i didn’t marry him then). And honestly, even though I was in a rage at the time, I would never do anything to endanger my child or anyone else’s child. Ever. To his credit, I understand why he was concerned.
That was my bottom. It wasn’t post partum, it was scared shitless. I’d had it ever since I’d learned I was pregnant. I am at my absolute WORSE when I am afraid.
We had begun counseling and I asked the therapist if he thought I should go back on medication. Dude didn’t skip a beat and barely let me finish when he exclaimed, “YES!”
When I first began taking Effexor XR, I was told that I would probably lose weight and it wasn’t addictive like Paxil. I’d had a hard time with Paxil. I was not interested in revisiting anything remotely familiar.
Well, five years later and I’m beginning to research the withdrawal from Effexor and it seems that it’s very much like Paxil in the difficult weaning process. AND? It makes you gain weight. As I’m perusing the library of Google College, I think to myself “mutherfucker, not again!”
Some folks speak of separating granules from their Effexor capsules. Wish me luck, because that’s about all I can count on right now.
October 5th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
HA! that you should mention going off of meds. My doc took me off one drug this week and I feel less tired. All of a sudden, I am like Wooooo! I wonder if I go off of them all I am actually NOT bipolar or depressed or anxious or kinda OCD. I think I will sleep on it, but sometimes it all seems to complicated and I too worry about what all the meds are doing to my body and even my mind. Sometimes I think they fuck with my memory, or maybe I can just add paranoid to the list. Best of luck with the Effexor which gave me high blood pressure. hurrah.
October 5th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
I don’t know how long Effexor has been on the market, but I remember when Paxil came out they adamantly denied that it had any withdrawal side effects. After two days of missing my Paxil and having my brain feel like it was the yolk in an uncooked egg every time I turned my head, I figured they were full of it. . . Could have been the story on Effexor 5 years ago.
October 5th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Moonflower, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. : ) I have had a little bit of experience with the Effexor withdrawal, even knocking down one dose at 37.5 made me really weepy for a few days. Four days on the lower dose, I’m feeling fine and better than I did when the higher dose made me manic, but there is a real withdrawal syndrome. I missed my meds three days in a row so that I was taking the doses about 30 hours apart, and it took me almost two weeks to get back to normal. Sorry to be a horror story sharer, but take it nice and slow, and best of luck in finding a better feeling-place off these meds.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:58 am
I had a horrendous time coming off of Effexor – this was back in 2001. And yes, it does cause weight gain in many people who take it.
I had a hard time on Effexor. I also switched to Effexor after a bad bout with Paxil. Honestly, I didn’t find the withdrawal from Effexor to be any “better” or “easier” than Paxil. It was a solid two weeks of hell, then another two of slightly-less-hellish-hell before I felt “OK”. I was in college at the time and missed a full two weeks of classes. It’s hard to go to class when you wake up sweating and throwing up, then have vertigo and prickly sensations for the rest of the day. Somehow I managed to finish the semester, but wow – to this day I don’t know how.
I’ve been through the “off all meds” thing several times myself. For me, it was always a bad idea, but I think going through the process of coming off CERTAIN meds was a very smart decision. I mean this when I say it: I’d rather experience my full-on depression than feel how I felt on Paxil, Effexor, Serzone, Prozac, or Zoloft. I finally found my “fit” with Wellbutrin XL. I take 300mg/day – the “typical” therapeutic dose – and have had noticeable success without the noticeable side effects. Voila! I’m sticking with it unless/until it’s no longer effective.
Good luck!
October 9th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Effexor withdrawal is tough, but you sound like a tough cookie, so I’m sure you can handle it. Just think of it as a one-month vacation (one of those shifty rip-off vacations that 20/20 does exposes on ;)
October 9th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
I had a rough time as well weaning off of Effexor. I was given Lexapro as a substitute and I have to say it’s been wonderful for me so far. I wish the process of finding the right medication did not suck as hard as it does, but I’m glad I finally found something that works without all of the side effects.
I wish you the best of luck. It’ll be over before you know it. Take good care of yourself.
October 9th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Thanks everyone for sharing your experience with me, I am so grateful for the support. I trust you way more than the doctors. Sad, but true.