It’s A Balancing Act
I feel myself slipping, ever so quietly, into a mild state of mania.
It’s quite possible it’s time to back off my meds.
This time four years ago, I experienced a similar, but stronger mania. My General Practitioner had ever so quickly upped me to 150mg of Zoloft (I had never been on anti-depressants before, despite numerous bouts of depression).
My previous boundaries, which I held on so tightly to in years past, became silly little invisible fences. It was so easy to step over those fences since it appeared that they did not exist.
It’s true that before this time my boundaries were like the walls of a medium security prison. It’s true that these walls needed to be relaxed.
But a comfortable boundary would have been between a picket fence and an eight-foot chain link fence. The former is a visible barrier that is easy to go around, or open the gate to walk through. But it requires a decision.
The latter is a sturdier deterrent — tall enough to be a serious hurdle — but not SO scary that I would not climb OVER it.
Now I’m in a new place mentally and in a new space in my relationship with my husband. I also now have a child to consider when setting up my boundaries.
My return to medication is due to my child. Post-partum depression set in shortly after I weaned my baby after nineteen long months (of breastfeeding).
I spiraled down into a depression that I could not out think. I became uncomfortable to live with. I needed help, mentally and physically.
I needed permission to get help. I needed permission to ASK for help. I had to let go of the notion that I had to do everything myself. I had to let go of the notion that accepting help equals weakness.
Now, a year later, I have willingly accepted help and favors from friends, relatives and neighbors.
I have accepted help from artificial serotonin replacements.
I am clearly more upbeat than I was last year.
But when does this help become a hindrance? When do my boundaries solidify?
I aim to find out somewhere along the way.
Posted by leahpeah on October 5th, 2009
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