Impeccable timing
By Heather
I have this great track record for getting depressed at the worst possible times. Like every time I’m feeling good to go and like I could take on the world or at least get out of bed and to work before 9:30. Things are usually going swimmingly when my Seratonin levels decide to take a nose-dive and suddenly getting to work in a timely fashion is the least of my troubles especially since on my way to work I’m too busy contemplating taking a nose dive off of an overpass.
And that pretty much sums up the last two weeks. Me being depressed, wholly inarticulate and crying as it takes me four days to write a letter consisting of three paragraphs. And then more crying when told that my middle paragraph makes me sound like an idiot with a big vocabulary (oxymororn, no?). Then comes an eye twitch and teeth grinding and me driving back home on the same overpass seriously wondering what would happen given that I’m only like 50 feet from the ground.
Seriously could not have happened at a worse time, which leads me to believe that stress does not bode well for my psyche. Whereas some people, nay most people, can handle stress quite well and without the use of narcotics. I see stress as overwhelmingly difficult and a hindrance, not something to learn from or grow from, more like something that has the sole purpose of making me crazy.
At this point, I see myself taking a “sick” day (read, I can’t go to work with my eye twitching like this or else I’m going to scare people) once a week until I retire. This does not bode well for the next 40 plus years. I’m thinking that my options are to either win several million dollars or to learn to deal with stress better. And today, I almost feel like the former is more of a possibility.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
I have my mental health days, as well. I’m sometimes terribly jealous of those who seem energized by stress. Maybe we should become forest-dwelling hippies. You know, drop out and grow our own wheat or something.
September 28th, 2007 at 2:46 am
I had to stop working full time near or around when i got pregnant. not from preg stress, just because i could not work or, well, i just could not. I am at a point now, where i could probably never go back to working full-time, even for the 11 years i did so before the kid, i was fooling myself and unfortunately my employer. it is too cold her to dwell in the forest, but a log cabin maybe?
September 28th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I have begun to question whether anyone deals exceptionally well with stress. Maybe they just make us think they do, but secretly, they yell at their dogs, or drink to much, or snort coke on their lunch breaks? Who the hell knows what goes on behind closed doors or inside their heads? I think self-awareness is a beautiful thing.
Oh, and if we’re moving to the log-cabin hippie commune, I’ll take care of the animals. I can only keep things alive that have four legs, so if you put me in charge of growing the wheat, we’ll all starve.
September 29th, 2007 at 11:47 am
i have no defense against stress either. except, to get in bed and sleep. not answering the phone or the door. it seems stress has gotten worse now that i know it’s stress.
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:53 am
I volunteer to be the cook at the commune. I actually just scheduled four mental health days in the next four months. I’m lucky to get a lot of vacation time, but I never use it for vacations. I can only work through the stress for three or four days before I hit the wall, cry, and start falling asleep at 6 pm.