Sunday Night, United States of Tara
This Sunday night is the premiere of The United States of Tara on Showtime. At 10pm, I will be surrounded by family and friends and watch as a series on television tries to bring awareness to the illness I’ve struggled with since the age of four. Writing that makes me want to jump up and scream in excitement and call everyone I know and cry in relief and crawl into the fetal position from anxiety and suck my thumb all at the same time.
Along with the voices of support, I’ve had emails and a few comments from people in the DID community that are angry at the writers of the series and angry and disappointed in me for being a part of it. To them, I say this:
I hear you. I really, really hear you. You would like it if the show was easier to watch and didn’t highlight the hyper-sexual teen alter or the cruelty of the male alter. You would like it better if they showed more about where Tara comes from and why she is the way she is. Me, too.
Stay tuned. Watch a few more episodes and see how the character of Tara is handled and how she evolves. There is both humor and drama, as it should be. My life has had its ups and downs and whether I like it or not, I had alters that were very sexual and took advantage of any man they could. I see in Tara’s kids some of the same things my kids had to deal with. I had a Molly-Homemaker alter and I now cringe at the thought of how hard she tried to make everything perfect and I feel sad that she was perpetually disappointed at the impossibility of perfection. And my husband at the time had to try and guess how to deal with me when I switched. I’m betting you have some of the same alter-types I did. And that the character Tara does. And yes, it’s hard to watch, being a person with DID. But for me, that’s because it’s accurate, not wrong. You call it sensationalized and maybe you are right. I don’t agree with you but I think that is a matter of personal opinion.
But what I love about the series is that it’s TALKING about mental illness and DID. It’s making people ask questions and have conversations and maybe, just maybe, creating an environment where people with DID aren’t thought of as freaks. Where they aren’t told to keep it all a secret and perpetuate the cycle of hiding and secrecy and lies. And that is what I’m excited to be a part of – moving forward. Removing the stigma attached to mental illness, or at least lessening the hold a bit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told by someone I barely know and even people close to me to never talk about having a mental illness because it will hurt my chances at (fill in the blank). Just for telling people what I am. Just for owning what I am and how my brain works. The message is – if people really know you, they won’t think you are acceptable or good enough. They will think you are evil or weird and turn away from you. And that feels bad whether you are mentally ill, the ‘wrong’ color or sexual orientation or ethnic background or too fat or too small. No one should be discriminated against for being themselves.
I don’t feel the series is doing a disservice to DID or mental illness. I’m so THANKFUL that Steven Spielberg wanted to do a series about a woman with DID and I’m so THANKFUL that Diablo Cody read my book and asked me to be a part of it. And even though the character isn’t based on me, I identify with every personality that Tara has. In the same way I had to learn and accept that I was all the personalities that I was and own them and bring them together. And understand that everything I had ever done and everything that had ever happened had happened to ME. All of it.
So maybe you don’t identify with some of her personalities or the extent they are portrayed but that doesn’t mean someone else won’t. Let’s leave the door open for everyone with DID or any dissociative disorder to feel like they are being represented in some way. This is the maiden voyage. It’s just the beginning. If everything isn’t perfect, let’s not get too hasty and throw the whole thing out. Let’s wait a while and see the evolution. This is the first time this subject matter has been tackled on television. Let’s support their efforts and hope there is more to come.
For me, it’s a dream come true.
______________
If you are looking for my book, you can find it here.
January 19th, 2009 at 4:06 am
bravo leah, very well written post. i enjoyed the first episode, noting that it’s a “story”, typically means that the audience will need to see how it unfolds in order to form an educated opinion.
i second your enthusiasm of it being brought into mainstream television. it’s a much needed beginning.
xo
January 20th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
fascinating to read your post, leah. not knowing much about the show, i’ve been blogging about how it seems use mental illness for the sake of entertainment. but your post sheds a different light on the issue, and i really enjoy your perspective. that’s very exciting that diablo cody read your book! best, ybg
January 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Amazing. You are amazing, and the project sounds amazing. I wish we got Showtime way up here in Canada. Perhaps I can find it somewhere. I am so proud of you.
xoxoxoxoxo
January 25th, 2009 at 2:06 am
Hi Leah
I am happy YOUR happy and your following, seems to be also, however-I am very saddened by the first show and direction of next4 which I have seen and portrayals thereof are right out of text book and “Must see ratings sweep week TV”.
All due respect but I wish Diablo Cody had broadened her scope a bit had not read just your book but instead did a open dialouge, with people diagnosed all the way back when like in late 70’s to mid 80’s, when it was truly ‘rare’ not just epidemically a “trash can dx” for difficult complex pts or then “chic”, but when not popular to be with MPD, who have lived with it then being a “freak show”, a real opppressive stigma, where you automatically lost your children and place in Society, not taken serious, abused more by Medical profession, Landlords, Employers, family (again,) and lost your life effectively too!
Wished Diablo Cody would of talked to people carrying this label almost as long as Chris Costner Siezmore..’Three Faces of Eve’, Truddie Chase from ‘When Rabbitt Howels’.. these are the people I wish she would of spoken too and US, and other groups who have reaserched other groups extensively there is another camp besides the KLUFT CAMP this group who stayed under the radar not seeking attention, just wanting to help other being inclusive and supportive.
I am going on 50 I have never had GHAD, Panic Disorder, Depression- Clinical or otherwise but normal, sad, down days of grief from this misunderstanding of this label and losses to it, nor have I had SAD or OCD or BPD, or Schizoid affective mood disorder or DD -delusional disorder or schizophrenia or affective mood disorder, or bi-polor manic depressive ….
Leah, regarding the later two mentioned above there is quite a trend these days the new “wave of late teens/College to 30’s who are really struggeling mainly with Bi-polor and mood disorders, dressing it up as D.I.D when not wanting meds, you say you want honesty, for us to look and be honest, then there it is honesty..this is why you need your medication! It is simple to understand that, after reading so many of your blogs. No name or label is going to fix you but medeicne you have a imablance that is clear you know that, not your fault , not to be shamed , not making fun, you have a chemical imbalance that effects your moods , thinking and so forgth behavior.
This is why “Intergrating” did not solve your problem. I am of the belief that when you name some thing, you make it so, Just as God in Craetive power brought forth the world by speaking it, naming it and the elements, good or bad. Your book promo forward is clear Your “Unspecified” and grasping, you have found something that fits, a name and believe in naming it you have a solution if so why then only for a Season a soulution, why does it return?. Naming labeling creates..Dr Richard Kluft is genius at this he defined , made up many of the stereotypical “alter” sub types in his works and Drs learned they should exist tought pts of this, Movies portrayed it and so it is, till Insurance Companies made up of panels of Drs said No this cannot be so..and renamed it D.i.D in hoped to talk Pts out of their disorder by telling them they were confused by their idenetity. No not all D.I.D people honestly have out of control sexual teens, or embarrassing rough truck driving, redneck,men, not all have some like you who plot murder, and devious acts or even a ‘thumb sucking child’..Many have functioning “alters” not stuck in a function, purpose or role..They are feully developed people with the ability to grow as anyone else.
I know you have suffered much, so have I ..I lost my kids volunteerily. I selflessly gave them to family in case the bad expected occured, to keep the safe as a Mother would want, her childen shielded.
I did not show this type of “alters” to my kids or anyone, I worked, I functioned with them , still do. I became a LCSW amd gloing for my Ph.D I had sharp switches, I had black outs, with memory recall that came back, memory improved I worked through continual rapes, abuse, body memories, incest and so much horrific abuse, along with cancer and a host of phsyical illnesses, before the age of 10 that continued I could fill a volumes of books,..
This Show is showing one sensationalized side..It is not the kind persauded by your expereince not research condusive to public awarnesss to be fair.I have been a advocate for health, all health for years This is not good not so far..but I am not stopping at speaking with Doablo Cody, No I am speaking to Mr Spielburg, HBO and many more..
Simpley the only reasonable answer for this grop here It is time for a docudrama with real people speaking out, a camera &reality TV following several families an allotted time, living with multiplicity..all kinds of situations to get the anverage scope…
I have been through all the bad media, at 50 I have nothing left to lose.. if people with DId wnat to stop at just a “name” and terminology that is correct, with a appearence of education this is what TARA is thus far.. sorry I’ve seen too much I know too mucy been through too much , been here before its just dressed up differntly and not setteling this time.. happy you had the courage to write speak out, so did many, many more who were overlooked.. possibly because they were not “Seasoned bloggers” as your self, and because they did not write books, in same circles of writers using same houses and freinds as Diablo Cody did.. TARA is very disorganized, disordered for having D.I.D 17 years don’t ya think- time for a new therapist or re-write! be honest. I know progress is long and hard, but communication, co- dwelling sharing, negotiating does happen if ya all try to talk.. I do admire and feel for all you have gone through I wish you well, but you cannot hope to speak for all D.I D. groups, so I will pray something lies above and beyond for us Peace Bklessings Best To You
January 25th, 2009 at 4:25 am
Hello MT. I’m so happy you left a comment. I am aware of many people who feel something of what you feel but aren’t willing to put their comments out there. You brought up some very good points, most of which I agree with. I’ll answer a few in bullets below, because that’s easier for me to keep it straight.
1. When you are talking about labels and medications, I agree that people get labeled for all kinds of things and many times it may not be correct. I went to many, many years of therapy with many doctors who misdiagnosed me before I found one that could treat all my personalities at once, thereby treating not just my DID, but also the bi-polar symptoms. I fit many of the characteristics of someone with bi-polar but I’ve not been comfortable with the label or some of the medications they have wanted me to take for it. I find I do much better with mood stabilizers and anti-anxiety meds. I agree I have a chemical imbalance and need medication. The medication helps my moods and mania. That is why I take it. That doesn’t take away the normal feelings that come along with depression and not being able to do my best. It just makes it more likely that I won’t get sucked down so far before I can climb back out.
2. I too wish there would have been a broader span of people spoken to. I think it would have only enhanced the project. I’m working on a book right now and would love contributions from you and anyone you know who would like to be a part of sharing what their own experience of living with DID is. I think it will make a very good addition to the series and create a much fuller picture of what DID encompasses. If you are interested in participating or know someone who would like to, please email me at leah@leahpeah.com .
3. At the end of the day, it’s a TV show and Spielberg and Cody are hoping to have a good enough storyline to bring people back to watching over and over. There is going to be some sensationalization. Some things could be better and truer and I would love to be on the writing team for next season to help bring in a note of reality in some situations. But being the first time this has been tried, and the fact that it’s bringing awareness to DID, I’m giving it a lot of leeway.
4. The situation with your kids is certainly something I can identify with. I think most people with DID would hope to keep their children safe and away from the switching and confusion and try very, very hard to that end. Giving them to someone else to take care of is one of the hardest things a mother can do.
Again, thank you so much for your comment. I wish you happiness. Take good care of yourself.
lpc
January 25th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Hi Leah,
Thank you very much for responding! That was a quick response. I posted and went to bed, then up for Church so was glad to see you saw it.
Leah, I want to say again there is no shame in doing better with medication. See the very peopel not liking the label of bi-polar so being more comfortable with D.I.D flor some reason amnd that is what confuses people as to waht we are suffering from.
I also think one alter can be depressed, one alter anxious another panic disordered and so forth any gven times over life and have it have nothing to do with abuse, but just be, life like the rest of the world!
I think you are doing a smart thing to stay on meds to stay alive and well and see more of your kids. I know it is difficult for you to see your children elsewhere too, hopefully they are still very much in your life, it sure sounds that way. And Leah as they get older they will make up there own minds as to weather they needed to ever leave or not.
As you said to your readers you did have “alters” like Tara’s has, maybe not as extreme, or ezzagerated but then alluded to yes, well they were quite danergous at times, so it makes sense they be away from that behaviorand that is being a good MOM doing that it is a self-less act they wil hopelly realise too as older. All people here or “alters” but I call them people are one big family. I cant imagine my life or the kids life without them contributing.My kids would feel a definite differnce if suddenly a few were gone, we all know this even the kids..it just depends as to the argument of kepoing kids safe what is acceptable to see hear if the kids do not feel safe then their not, I had 2 kids feel comfortbale and 1 the oldest NOt feel comfortable and so it went in her favor now she is racked in guilt but were talking more of it too Not her fault either. For us, as a group the kids would of been frightened only because they were warned to be,to be on look-out for Sybil like changes.
I had some scary times of disorder in recovering memories for sure that spilled over out of therapy me it was more to get therapy done accelerated away from kids ears and eyes and were all feeling a bit betrayed even the grown kids.
I do know how you felt to go through a very hard process like Intergration( we did the Steams to Oceans Dr. Kluft speaks of” it set me and those here back worse than ever and then we got hostile, scared of one another but for you to go through all of that hav eit work and still not feel well, I wish better for you Iknow your string by carrying onI also know you we ned to all believe what we have been through is worth it in recovery or abuse.
You proboblyu know my beliefs on Intergration , its a personal choice among a group its more a wish Drs had I do not knw many that practoice the thought to be intergrated Some think if it happens that a Pt never was and finally gave it up, others think it wont hold Im sure you’ve heard it all –
Today has been a day of looking at old documents regardimng being multiple and all that , all the thoughts then, Drs had written goal set papers where my Drs speak of “their hope for merging and full intergration within 5 years for me” Nobody knew what they were doing back then so we listened to anyone who sounded the least bit a” expert”, and said they knew,which is where Dr. Kluft ans Puttman come in comes in.
More than anything I see among Multiples a clear devision, so much judging so many camps there are those who do not want to be seen as fragmented and broken who feel those that want that ‘shattered glass Pysche’ explained to all they maybe misbehaved in front of as a excuse for the problem and to those who want it explained they think the others multiples are not taking “their pain suffering serious” I know there is a balance out there somewhere I just hope we find it.
Yes at the end of the day it is a T.V. show but look at how media has shaped us so far. Thank you for hearing me out, though and not attacking this post but looking at it sensitively.
Just wondering did you ever have oppurtunity to give Diablo Cody a myrid of links out here on the Internet to go to for FAQs other than Dr Klufts Sidran Society?Was she interested in following around a group seeing how it realy is or just hearing yoiurs and another recovered gals expereince, ya know did ya point her to people that live online nbecause not comfportable in Society or accepted, ya know journaling and the discussion and support forums amn communities? If so I really hope she pays attention to them.
I am truly hoping they ‘tone charcters down’ as far as Tara’s ‘alters’and look more at, whats going on inside Tara promoting comminication , respect and negotioating , towards health as well as outside with family and how this has effects the family postively too so they are not having to deal with Tara and have theoir lives rearranged whenever she switches That would get self absorbed and old. I think they are close to that in some scenes.
I really despise ‘the shed usage’ most of the Younger teens here really deplore that as I have made known and I hope they show what its like for Tara really to be accpeted in a Medical community, being seen for a true medical condition and maybe even “restrained” preventively as I was because the Medical Hospital needs to take pr-ecautions not knowing who might emerge under stress and pain an anesthisia.
I hope they see THAT kind of human pain the pain of injustice, oppression, enslavement, bondage to fear ans ingnoreance. I hope they show Tara a well educated amd talented women at her job being turned down over a clients worrieson discovery and a Church try to tell her she is possessed by demons.I know I sound biyyer but this is reality for a multipel and at the end of the day weather D.I.D ..Mystical, Guri Medium, Natural Muriple abiuse model were all sharing a body and that is not normal so causes people to fear.
I hope as a Mom on street, she is discounted to even hold a nieghbors baby a few minutes babysitting, and so on, because this is the truth!
Thank you for the invite my manuscripts have been picked up by a publisher and now its up to me and my family to work out the details of that..I think there will be a rise in many books again on now Multiplicty, I thin Dr Kluft is priming Drs to diagnose and screen for it npw and this worried me alot! THis worried me because its Dr Kulufts Guidelines as to waht is multiple:(
I will share some of my story with you am on myspace blogging about it and hope to get to know you better my email is standswithgrace97@yahoo.com Write me when you want and whebever I have yours too.. we are a large group AStrid is on line alot! And Teens she is with (nothing like Tara biut quite mature but still teens) I will be watching with one eyes closed tonight.Enjoy the show Thank you Peace Blessings MT