Something in my belly

There is something in my belly, and I finally know what it is. My belly is the storage for very intense emotions, ones that were stuffed far away not to ever be seen, or heard by anyone.

I’ve figured out that when the belly is disrupted in any way, I break out into a serious panic attack. I am certain that it’s been this way for years but I am only now becoming aware of it.

This particular panic attack from the belly region tells me to run very quickly. It begs for a sinkhole to open up on the very ground in which I stand, and to take me away this time. It begs to take me anywhere but here where the pain threatens to swallow me whole.

The lost girl stores her pain in my belly.

If I put on an article of clothing that is too tight, the belly signals the brain to run away as fast as possible because it hurts in there and we must not be reminded of that hurt.

After eating too much of a good meal, the pain signals the brain to crawl into a cave and hide where no one can see us. She is scared; she doesn’t want you to see her. If you see her, it will make it all real and she cannot possibly process everything if it is in fact, real.

My massage therapist, that I used to see on a regular basis told me that I always hold my left side closely, not letting go.

Louise L. Hay writes that problems with the left side of the body “represent receptivity, taking in, feminine energy, women, and the mother.” The stomach “holds nourishment and digests ideas.”

Not only do we store everything in our brains, but also in our bodies. Physical abuse is stored in your body, your body remembers it. This is why I get a certain type of headache around certain people, and why my shoulders lock up in my neck with certain stressful situations.

It is exactly why I used to bite my nails until they bled when I was at her house.

A frightened child who is not letting go of the pain even though it weighs her down is living in my belly. She didn’t have anywhere else to go, and doesn’t know what to do with the pain because it’s all she has.

I am grateful to have finally found her hiding place.

Now, I can invite her to come out so that I can nourish her with the kind and loving energy of a mother who soothes her frightened child.

Posted by moonflower on February 19th, 2008
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9 Comments a “Something in my belly”

  1. jessica says:

    Awesome! I’m glad you found her. My belly is my hiding place too. It’s where all the pain and anger and fear gets shoved so very deep. It’s hard to let it out. But sometimes when it hurts so much, it’s not so hard. I hope your frightened child gets all the love she needs.

  2. Kelliqua says:

    This is lovely.
    You are healing!

  3. Brittany says:

    Wow. This is amazing. After reading this, I am wanting to find my hiding place (and I’m pretty sure it’s my belly too) so I can nurture my hurt little girl. I am simply amazed by the insight and writing that I find on here.

  4. nyjlm says:

    yes yes yes. I have found it a relief to realize that my weird body had a reason for feeling funky. I’ve always had stomach aches. And even after recognizing the aches, there were other physical signs for me that I just thought were some weird quirk of being me. Finally in describing my tingly arms and the icky sensations in my chest to my p-doc I think I do finally get that it isn’t all in my head.

  5. Mariposa says:

    For my case I think it’s my shoulder and back? Reading your post is like describing what I have with my back and shoulder.

  6. Mr. C. says:

    A lovely post. Thanks.

  7. moonflower says:

    i really want to thank all who commented, it means a great deal to me. this post wrote itself shortly after i made the connection, and it’s been a long time in the making.

    the neck/back/shoulder connection is a very common physical reaction to stress.

  8. bipolarlawyer says:

    I’ve yet to find where mine is hiding, but thank you for reminding me that I can.

  9. cathy says:

    Have you ever heard of the enteric nervous system? I have begun to learn about this because — like you — I have a lot of issues with my belly and panic attacks.

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