Taking my own advice
I’ve been battling this flu that has struck the Northeast like a tornado. Knowing that half of my in-laws have it does nothing to alleviate my personal misery, however. It’s bad. After seven days of on-again, off-again fever, poor sleep and the inability to keep a thought in my head except what pestilent fever and congestion engender, all the negative thoughts I’ve been sifting through come crashing down all at once, making it harder to breathe than it already was, with that cough nesting in my chest.
I’m trying hard to heed the advice I would give a friend– to continue to take it easy. To know that people who are even mildly depressed to begin with are more susceptible to illness. To not try to rush my recovery, because I’m still depressed, and thus more prone to relapse. To try to set aside the negative thoughts, the self-blame, the feelings of failure and the “sure knowledge” that I will never amount to anything– because I would tell my friend that the darkness of the sickroom is not the time or the place to meditate on such things. Better to wait until I can examine them in the fresh air and sunshine, where I can get a better look at them, and not be overwhelmed by the stench of self-pity.
I’m going to try to take my own advice, since I know I’m someone to whom my friends turn. Now if I can do the same…
February 18th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Just a note to let you know I’m on day 5 of my “deathwatch” flu. It is so easy to get a distorted thinking pattern going while isolated in the same room for days (especially with terrible daytime tv!). I really want to thank you for posting throughout your ordeal. It’s helped keep me grounded and feeling less alone. This post was timely as I wrestle with the guilt I feel considering calling in sick again tomorrow. I have had this job for 20 years and just got an exceptional work evaluation, yet I fear being judged as a slacker. Thanks for the reminder about the importance of self-care!
February 18th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
I thought I was the only person who catastrophized during the cold and flu season. Generally I WEEP to my darling husband, MechanicalMan, “I believe I’m dying right now. And, it’s all my fault because I got sick, and I’m going to leave you a widower with our son to raise by yourself.” And, then there is all that self pity and self blame about my letting the house go to pot and the Child raising himself and my husband having to do unreasonable things like dress himself and make his own coffee. Gads, what we put ourselves through!!! Wouldn’t we be much better off if we simply nursed ourselves with a hot shower and a clean pair of pjs, then head back to bed with the knowledge that another couple of days and we’ll be much better? No, we have to add to the misery. I love being mentally ill.
February 19th, 2008 at 1:40 am
i’m down with the sick thing too, hope you feel better soon!
February 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I’m having this body malaise…the thing is I’m not sure if it has something to do with my allergic rhinitis or is it my mind inflicting my body!
Hope you feel better soon!