you act like you don’t even know me

If you knew me you would know that from the outside i used to seem like i had it all together.

If you know me now you know that in the past year i look like a disheveled mess. That my life has fallen apart over and over again. That i nearly died. That i lost my marriage. That i nearly lost everything.

And now.

And now i am slowly crawling my way back to a real life.

This week i started going off my medication. I have been unhappy and medicated for a long time. Now? Now i have all my ducks in a row to try and be normal. Happy and sad. I just want to know who i am in an un-pressured situation.

I have that now. A home to myself. No husband breathing down my back. Wanting everything to be fine. When fine was not possible.

I am scared. I am woobly in my head. My body is rejecting me. Stomach pain. Intestinal distress. But i am eager to know me again. Happy. Sedated. Unmedicated.

Posted by jess on January 24th, 2008
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6 Comments a “you act like you don’t even know me”

  1. Bipolarlawyercook says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Wishing you the best of luck at finding out.

  2. Mariposa says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    I wish you all the best…you’re strong…stronger than you ever thought…and we’re here for you… :)

  3. moonflower says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    i wish for you everything you need and nurturing comfort just when you need it the most.

  4. Christine says:
    January 25th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    I am hopeful for you, but I’m one of those people who advocate for *not* going off meds. I really am hopeful for you, just don’t forget you have a safety net if you find you need it again.

    Miss Five-Pills-Almost-Make-Me-“Normal,”
    Christine

  5. Air says:
    January 27th, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    I found your blog, and am so happy to have found it. I am struggling with my own blogging style, ie. how much is too much information. I’m on anti-depressants and seroquel, and while the side effects are hard (groggy, sleepy) they are way better than depression, psychotic features, self-harm, suicidal thoughts. I will be curious to see how you do. I hope you are well.

  6. jessica says:
    January 28th, 2008 at 2:08 am

    Seriously, the scared wooblies are the absolute worst. And thankfully withdrawal does not last forever, so that stomach should feel more human soon.

    I do hope this all works well, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. And you know, I might be far away, but I still consider you a friend. Even if it feels so lonely right now. Just wanted to remind you.

    Hoping you loose the wooblies real soon.

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