Don’t lose yourself living for them

Maybe some day you will understand why I’ve had to do some of the things I’ve had to do.

Stop punishing me with your perceived notion of what is right, and what is wrong.  Step outside of that head of yours for a little while and ponder the vast reaching capacity of our humanity.

Or, just do the dance, receive the accolades as you were taught to know that you are loved.  Keep reaching outside of yourself to find what you think you need.  Keep staying stuck where you are when you know your capacity for greatness beckons you to meet it.

Empty buckets lined up at your door, waiting for the love you know you deserve because you did everything right.  Years gone, spent on trying to please them and not yourself.

When people hurt us, does it matter any more or less if we are biologically connected to them?  Who made that rule that we have to go down with a sinking ship just because we’re family.

I used to be as you are, loyal and blind.  The years taught me to see things differently.  My experience, my road, my decision to decide who and what I will welcome into my life.

Didn’t realize you had the choice?

Yes, you do.

Perhaps you’ll hold on to this ideal until you are old, that’s ok if you do.  Perhaps you’ll begin to turn down the road that tells you to leave behind everything you’ve ever known and loved.

I like to believe that is the road where we find our true selves.  The uncomfortable kind with rocks and pebbles, no water or a friendly familiar face.  This is the road to find out who we really are.  The answers are not always in what we find the most comfortable.

I love you and I always will.

Please try not to judge me for the things that I have to do as I travel along my path, just because you do not believe them to be good and right.  Just love me and try to understand that there is always more to a picture than what you can see, and that sometimes your eyes play tricks on you.

Lastly, I miss you.

Posted by moonflower on September 11th, 2010
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6 Comments a “Don’t lose yourself living for them”

  1. Doreen Ashlee says:

    You’re writing always makes me think and then makes me cry.
    You speak from the heart and that is wonderful.

  2. moonflower says:

    Doreen, thanks again for your kind words. I didn’t set out to write this and was surprised (and pleased) with what came out.

  3. Linsey says:

    This is wonderful and a good reminder that when people make decisions we can’t agree with that we always have the choice to love them regardless.

  4. Danielle [Left of Lost] says:

    I had to read it twice.
    I needed to hear this.
    This fills me with peace and heart-wrenching pain at the same time.

  5. Unpolarized says:

    What a beautifully written entry, covering something that is something I have lived with all my life. I feel lucky having acceptance, and support from my dad, brother, and sister, while mourning the total lack of any understanding from my mom.

    Getting such clear reminders from others that I’m not the only one always eases the pain, though it is tempered by the sorrow of knowing that there are others who have suffered that pain.

  6. moonflower says:

    Thank you Unpolarized, I just saw your comment, haven’t been over here in too long.

    I agree that when we can share our pain it heals all of us just a little bit each time :)

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