It Gets Worse
So I wrote about my cousin’s issues here.
Last night I get a phone call from her older sister and those rumours flying about her doing sexual favours for money have escalated.
We’re terrified, of course. I feel like my Aunt and Uncle should know this stuff but older sister is afraid – she is trying to protect her parents. Meanwhile the troubled cousin is likely going to end up pregnant, with an STD or worse.
My husband says I should tell her parents. That he would want to know. Hell, I would want to know.
I know my Uncle. He will be very upset that a) his daughter is involved in this sort of situation (obviously the two of them are in denial and will not investigate her actions any further than letting her do whatever she wants) and b) very hurt that oldest daughter told me but not him.
My Aunt is a mess, crying herself to sleep every night. Troubled cousin goes to see an expensive psychologist tomorrow, her father is taking her. I think she needs to be tested for drugs and STD’s, but what do I know?
I wish I could do more but we are a family that is very full of pride, and “what happens in these four walls, stays in these four walls.”
It’s very frustrating to be on the outside and the inside all at once, handcuffed by fear and worry.
January 8th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’m so sorry this is happening– for all of your family, including Troubled Cousin. I think your Uncle would want to know– can you have a conversation with his daughter first that she can tell him or you feel you must? I am sure that drugs will enter into the expensive psychologist’s analysis– the std testing should probably come at her parents’ insistence– they should be aware of the rumors and do what they think is best and which get the daughter’s agreement. Oof. Good luck to her, to them, to you.
January 8th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
i’ve been in similar situations for most of my life. i know how painful/confusing/bewildering/etc it is.
al-anon has helped me more than anything else, to realize there are no magic answers to help a person who is on a self destructive path.
i have learned that all i can do is let them know i love them, but a rule of thumb is to not put anything more into a person than they are willing to put into themselves.
my experience has been that there isn’t anything that i’ve ever been able to do in order to help save someone from destructive behavior. i’ve been to a lot of funerals of people that choose to die rather than seek help.
it’s horribly painful but you are not alone, nor are the other family members.
xo