Trading graces
When I found out that I was pregnant with Maggie it was like having an out-of-body experience. I’d been told, because of issues with my lady bits, that I’d likely not be able to conceive and so I’d convinced myself that having a child was not in the cards for me. Scott and I had stopped officially trying and were seriously looking into adoption when I took the test and holy shit! I passed!
Two years prior I’d been diagnosed with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder and had started a medication regime that changed my entire life. For the first time I was able to think. Really think. I was able to complete tasks, focus, pay attention, and I acquired an actual working memory. And, after several months, my depression all but disappeared. My fatigue was a non-issue. It was like I’d been possessed by a functional human being. It was awesome.
Of course when I found out that I was pregnant I gladly dropped my ADD medication. Soon thereafter life became very blurry and hazy- once again my own version of “normal”. For the past eleven months I’ve giddily anticipated the day when I could start taking my medication again, and yesterday I finally went to the doctor to get my prescription.
My prescription is sitting in a bag on the floor beside me untouched. In order to get back my happy, I have to stop breast-feeding Maggie.
I just can’t bring myself to take the first pill.
December 7th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Just remember, Maggie needs a healthy Mother more than anything else in this world.
(I know, easy for me to say, since I do not have a child yet. But after watching my best friend sink into post-partum depression, torturing herself with breastfeeding vs. antidepressants, I think sometimes the meds have to win.)
December 8th, 2007 at 2:22 am
I was in the same position while trying to conceive with help, and then what medication while pregnant? What can I take while breastfeeding? Mandy is right. Happy Mom = Happy Baby. Seriously.
December 8th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
What a tough decision. You’ll know when you are ready.
Can you share how you were diagnosed with ADD and what meds work for you?
December 8th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I really wish I had gotten therapy and started taking medication before my son was 18 months old.
I just found this blog a week ago and I enjoy the topics quite a lot. I think it’s so important for mental health to be an open topic.
I hope you don’t mind visitors.
December 9th, 2007 at 12:50 am
i wish my mum had done SOMETHING/ANYTHING for herself to make her have an easier time with having children and the life she had. I think you are doing a marvelous job – sounds like you will make a great mom and just have to do what is right for YOU and then your child will benefit, not just from you being healthy and able to care for her, but also from her, as she grows, seeing what it means to take care and be a whole person.
December 10th, 2007 at 12:42 am
How old is Maggie? Think long and hard before you go ahead and stop nursing. It is definitely important to be happy, but I would hate for you to stop before you and she feel ready. I couldn’t take meds for anxiety while nursing Adam, and though it wasn’t easy, I wouldn’t trade that 20 month bonding experience for anything. If you need to talk to someone who understands, please let me know!