Her message, “Please call me back as soon as you can because I need your help” her voice desperate and sad. This is the message she left on both my cell phone and my home phone. I know she needs help but I can’t help her.

She wants to die. Her pain is squeezing the very life from her soul. She tells me she is trying to withdrawal from a boy. I try to explain that it isn’t the boy, but her idea of who the boy is and what he represents to her.

We see in other people what we want them to be, not how they are. In reality, we are attracted to ourselves that we see in the other person. If you think you are not the least bit narcissistic, think again.

When relationships get rocky, we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves “this is the only person that I’ve ever loved; there will never be another person that I will love as MUCH.”

We mistake our pain to mean that we are supposed to be together because it hurts so much. Otherwise, it wouldn’t hurt so much right?

I have to remind myself that those big huge needs that I have cannot be fulfilled by a human being. If only my husband was better at expressing his emotions, cleaning up the messes he makes, not work so much, we would be more conjoined, and I would be less crazy.

The old “if they would just do this” then “I will be OK.” It doesn’t work like that. I’ve tried hard to have it work like that and so have many people I’ve known, but it doesn’t work like that.

This is why people have affairs, why they develop shopping/food/money/drugs/alcohol addictions. They need the distractions in order to keep running from themselves.

Am I a better person because I’ve learned this about myself? Perhaps, but I do find it comforting to know WHY I do the things I do. I have found that the more I learn about myself, the easier it is to understand why others do the things that they do.

From this, I can feel empathy for people’s suffering without having to rescue them.

I tried to explain this to her, that I cannot rescue her from herself. I love her and I support her, but I cannot be her comfort cozy. As a heroin addict must lock themselves up in a room in order to kick their addiction, she must live through this without any distractions.

That is, if she really wants it to be over this time.