We’ve all heard it before
Liz Spikol posted a very awesome video about depression advice over at her blog yesterday. It makes light of that oh-too-familiar advice that we get from well-meaning people who have no clue what it’s like to be depressed.
If only laughter really were the best medicine. For now, I’m sticking with my Celexa.
I’ve been told to “snap out of it”, to turn up some music and dance around my living room, and to quit taking things so seriously by people who couldn’t understand why I was debilitatingly depressed or anxious.
They meant well, but they had no idea what they were dealing with because they have never experienced it. Their advice only served to make me feel like more of a failure because I was unable to control something they thought was so easy to solve. It made the gulf between me and what was “normal” even wider.
What’s the worst, most ignorant, or most insulting advice you’ve ever gotten from someone in regards to your mental illness?
July 17th, 2008 at 8:29 am
I was pretty severely depressed at one point when a well-intentioned friend told me if I put on some lipstick and a little make-up I would feel better. Because, you know, it worked for her.
July 17th, 2008 at 11:30 am
“Drink some water….”
July 17th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
when i applied for disability insurance, even though i had never missed a say of work due to depression, i was turned down. the insurance assessor told me “stop taking your antidepressants for 2 years and then apply again, and we’ll reconsider you.”
yeeeaaaah, that’ll solve the problem!!!!
July 17th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Hello from a long-time lurker! I’m 27 and have depression as a result of strokes. My third stroke, actually, as it was a left-brained stroke, which commonly causes depression. (And I know that it’s unusual to have strokes at 24; thank you for your concern.)
The most insulting advice I’ve ever gotten was from a blood doctor (there’s a word for those, but my aphasia is getting in the way … dammit! I can’t remember it!) in Massachusetts who told me that “Most people we see who have depression don’t have it as a result of strokes. They usually are naturally predisposed to depression.” I couldn’t believe it. Not that it’s bad to be naturally depressed — I certainly understand that — but good Lord, he was such an A$$hole about it that I wanted to walk out right then and there! And I probably would have if my parents hadn’t been there with me.
July 17th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
ha, i can relate. have heard these “suggestions” over and over wishing i could do something simple to make it go away.
as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, the stupidest advice i’ve gotten was to “go smoke a joint”.
July 18th, 2008 at 2:54 am
Last summer my dad told me that I was depressed because I wasn’t motivated enough, and I needed something to be passionate about, something that would make me want to get out of bed. He suggested I go to Africa on a missions trip, despite the fact that I hate evangelism and am not actually all that religious.
This summer my dad keeps saying “I know you’ve got issues that you’re dealing with, but you just need to push them aside and get things together.”
I love my dad, but he really doesn’t get it.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
In an effort to actually not be helpful at all, my ex-husband snidely told me to “go take a pill” when I expressed an opinion contrary to his, because obviously I am not worthy of having an opinion due to mental illness.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Unless you’ve been though it, you just don’t get it.
But at the same time, even I, who has been through major depression more than once, was less than sensitive (just on one occasion, but I still feel bad about it) with my boyfriend when he was severely depressed for a long period of time.
It’s so frustrating when you feel so helpless and you just want this person to feel better and you can’t understand why it’s not going away. You may know the reasons why intellectually and through experience, but it’s still hard to be understanding sometimes.
Depression is just hard, for everyone involved.
July 19th, 2008 at 2:01 am
I was taking lithium when I began my new job as an electron microscopist. All was going great, when I began to get hand tremors. Bad ones. I soldiered on, working with the psych dr. to get the dosage right, until my entire body got the shakes. And when I finally went to my supervisor, he observed all my symptoms and then said, “Really tied one on, huh? Sure take a few days to sleep it off” It was more like two months before I could return, and when I did they fired me. Which was the coup de gras for me.
July 20th, 2008 at 1:13 am
Oh, hands down, when my bipolar mother told me, the one who managed to get her FINALLY diagnosed, that I didn’t know what it felt like to be depressed. Hunh?
July 21st, 2008 at 8:50 pm
No way BPC!! My mom did the same thing to me recently.
I think the worst for me was having a therapist keep asking me if I might be deficient in B12.
While I acknowledge that our diets can have an affect on our bodies, it is insulting to have people trying to explain away twenty five years of mental struggle including suicidal episodes, dissociative episodes, cutting, and passing out from panic attacks.
Really? Would all that have been avoidable if only I’d been taking my vitamins?!
Ho-Bag.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
One of my churchlady “friends” tld me that I just needed to stop thinking about myself and start thinking of others. Gag. If only that would work. I guess she thinks that poor moral character leeds to depression….
September 10th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Get a job. Stop being selfish.
I am fighting with myself. I am unmedicated tight now, but I have a psych appt this week. I hope to feel human again soon.
Thanks for writing this.
September 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I hope you feel better soon, too, Jennie. Hang in there!