acting as if.

sometimes, is the only way i can act.

rushes of emotion, mental activity going way over the speed limits.

i see you smile, watch your interactions with other people, the way that you move yourself that is no longer the child you were.

i’m not sure “how to be”, i haven’t written or read that chapter yet.

i bet there isn’t one on that anyway.

for each person it would be different. the way you process information and emotion is uniquely personal.

it’s as if i am watching a movie that pulled me close enough to jump into it. emotionally.

i’m trying to dog ear the page so i can get back to it later.

only you can’t do that with your life. you can, but then you always have to go back and face the pages that you thought you could escape.

after so much time, it all gets tangled up like christmas lights.

you curse them, wonder if just throwing them away would be a good solution.

except, each year at that magical time you pull them out again.

and they are still tangled.

once again, the only solution is to work on them each day. sometimes making little or no progress.

some days making so much progress, you have to lay down for a nap because the progress hurts so much.

some days, acting as if is all that i have to give.