Drooling. It’s not just for babies.
I am tired. More tired than I have ever been, excepting my wild and woolly phase during the early 90’s when I may or may not have taken mass quantities of mind altering substances and stayed up for ridiculous periods of time. I don’t really count those days as particularly trying or difficult. Self induced recreational fatigue with the occasional baby pterodactyl sighting hardly compares to my current situation. Although my child, when hungry, sounds exactly like a baby pterodactyl.
Maggie, my new baby, doesn’t sleep at night. She doesn’t sleep during the day either. She likes to party, all the time, especially at 4 am when her mother would chew off her own leg just to get a few minutes of rest. 4 am seems to be the magic hour when she comes to life and I just can’t take any more. This is the hour when I start the weeping and the whining and the pleading.
I don’t know if I’m suffering from postpartum depression. I’m sure as shit suffering from a severe case of the grumpies. I’m generally irritated with everybody, all of the time. I’m an old pro and internalizing, so luckily I haven’t called anybody a twat, just yet, but there are times when I can’t help expressing my disappointment in the behavior of my loved ones.
Like my husband. He has to work all day long so he keeps getting sleep at night. It’s really starting to piss me off.
And why does everyone who visits want the baby to be awake? I just got her to go to sleep. Stop poking the baby or I will stab you.
There are so many amazing things happening right now that it’s hard for me to tell how I feel overall. I’ll be in the process of grumping my way through the dirty dishes and I’ll take a break to peek into Maggie’s crib and she will see me and smile this huge, gummy smile and it melts all of my angst away. Or I’ll be in the midst of a medium sized breakdown because she’s hungry again and then when I stick a boob in her mouth she’ll go, “Num, num, num. NUM! NUM! NUM! NUM!”, like man, that boob is the best boob that ever happened. She’s so damn awesome that it’s hard for me to be upset for any length of time.
I’m hoping that the negative feelings I’m experiencing are just my normal everyday depression mixed with fatigue. I think it’s fairly normal to be a wee bit grouchy under the circumstances. I’m trying to pay attention to my mood and thought processes so that if I get too crazy I can deal with it. I’ve found that paying attention to myself is exceedingly difficult these days and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Right now, it’s 2:30 am. My kid is lying in her crib staring at the ceiling and talking to herself. I am so tired and so worn out. But I am so happy.
November 9th, 2007 at 7:35 am
Tell the damned visitors that they can help with the dishes and the laundry while the baby sleeps. And would it kill them to bring a casserole? My favorite gift to give new moms is a post pregnancy massage and me babysitting with the dad so that mom can LIE DOWN AND RELAX. I also do windows. : )
Wishing you some good sleep soon.
November 9th, 2007 at 8:46 am
It sounds like you are doing great and that what you are experiencing sounds pretty normal. You work all day too, don’t you? Taking care of the baby? Your husband should sacrifice at least one night per week so you can catch some zzzz’s.
November 9th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
New baby! Aw. This is my first chance to tell you congratulations.
November 9th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
That all sounds totally normal to me. I have a 2 1/2 year old and I am still sleep deprived and want to die some days but I love him to DEATH.
November 9th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I have three great kids. They didn’t sleep much when they were new. It gets better. Trust me. I also just read for my mother (who is raising my sisters babies and the youngest is 3 months) that babies are not born with seratonin (I don’t know how to spell it) and it takes about 3 months to get their systems in sync.
Congrats on the baby.
November 9th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Sounds pretty normal to me! And if she DOES happen to sleep, ignore the laundry, the guests, the house….and SLEEP! It really will get better!!
November 10th, 2007 at 7:10 am
Thanks guys. :D
I’m not going back to work until January, thank God, so I’m letting the Papa get as much rest as he can.
I have to say that when people say being a mom is a full time job, they are not even kidding. This is serious business.
November 10th, 2007 at 8:00 am
Sounds pretty normal to me too! I had a non-sleeper, too, and not a good-natured smiley one, and believe me, I was crazed even though I don’t suffer from depression. So i think you’re doing great.
November 10th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Being a mom is the most rewarding and exhausting job in the world! I have a 7 year old & a 2 1/2 year old-they have NEVER slept thru the nite consistently enough for me to get good sleep, and they still don’t! What you are feeling is completely normal-sleep is important, and when you don’t get enough, it affects all aspects of your health. It sounds like Maggie is a sweet girl tho, just laying there babbling.
There are two things that worked for my hubbie & me: He would get up on Friday nites and let me sleep in Sat. mornings so at least I wouldn’t be as bitchy. And when we both were working again, we alternated, so at least one of us was sane one day at a time. Helped alot!
Also, don’t feel bad asking for help. When a visitor is over, take a nap! They’re not coming over to see you anyway!
Love & Luck,
Kel
November 12th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I feel the same way with my 3 month old. Babies are exhausting. And awesome.